When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
