Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize