You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
