I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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