the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
