I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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