so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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