he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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