I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
