Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
