Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
