Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
