I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
