Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize