I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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