Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
