You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
