You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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