before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize