Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize