i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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