i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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