respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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