Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
