i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
