I accidentally had phone sex last night
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
