Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
