OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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