Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
