I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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