i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
