Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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