so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
