Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The uberlube is also flammable
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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