ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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