I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
