The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
