Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
