He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We are all done wearing pants today
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
