can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
