I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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