They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Boobs are out for the taking
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
