I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
