btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
