Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize