glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
