Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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