i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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