I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
