Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
