How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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