I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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