Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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