She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
