Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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