Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
