So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
