this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
