Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
bring money and cleavage
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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