why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
