Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
