Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
