I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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