I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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