I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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