So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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