Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I could fuck to npr.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
