I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
