i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
