In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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