I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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