the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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