At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
