Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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