It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
