I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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