I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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