This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
