suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
FUCK WHALES
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